Carbs

I wish Dr. Atkins were still alive.

I'm not trying to be crass. I mean it.

Were Atkins still with us, people would still laugh at his silly diet and I would not be tortured by a torrent of anti-carb marketing. Unfortunately, as has always been the case in history, his passing has coincided with his vindication.

Everywhere I go, from the supermarket to the bookstore, I hear nothing but prattle about the merits of no-carb/low-carb dieting. Carbohydrates, the energy-storing molecules found in breads and pastas and such, are taking a harder beating than anything brought down in an Iraqi prison.

How I hate fad diets.

Here's a completely incomplete list of vendors offering Atkins-friendly crap. Their marketing has recently harassed me.

• Subway


• Coca-Cola


• Kellogg's (Special Krap)


• Miller Brewing


• TGI Fridays


• KFC

And then there's the wholly obnoxious Atkins-branded snacks and foods and crap, with their stupid, pretentious little logo. That slag is all over stores now but is mostly concentrated in one place, so I can ignore it. Now, though, there's an Atkins-brand diet TV ad. I'm always too blinded by rage to really note whatever it is it says.

I am very much looking forward to the day when the Atkins diet is revealed to cause infertility, psychosis, and constipation.