Radio Shack

Sorry for the unannounced hiatus, blog friends. Spring Break called and I heeded.

So let's talk about Radio Shack.

Comcast cable subscribers are the most harassed by Radio Shack, but I think it safe to say that in the past few years we have all been exposed to the raw crappiness that is Radio Shack television ads. You've seen Howie Long and Vanessa Williams and a few other sell-outs sit around and say stupid things on their dime.

What I'd really like to know, though, is how Radio Shack is even in business. On paper, Radio Shack seems like a handy place. In the past it was filled with rack upon rack of electronic components. A haven for hobbyists. They stock hard-to-find batteries and cables.

As soon as you walk into Radio Shack, however, this picture breaks down. Sightlines are... confusing, at best. The eye is drawn to no particular product or display. Even if the eye wished to be drawn somewhere, the muddle of different, overpriced, generically-branded electronic rubbish would confuse it and encourage it to look elsewhere -- preferably somewhere outside of the Radio Shack.

To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what Radio Shack actually sells in its stores beyond the electronic components whose prices compel me to buy elsewhere. I always see a lot of televisions on one of the walls. They look like RCA. In any case, there's no way in hell I'm buying an eight month old TV from a rathole like Radio Shack.

Back to advertisements.

Now that we understand what a laughable enterprise Radio Shack runs, we can turn to their ads. The ads suck. Vanessa Williams has to be the most ineffective pitchlady I've had the misfortune of muting on TV. Worse than Rosie O'Donnell for K-Mart. Howie Long isn't much better. Even the football fans won't be swayed by this mental midget -- they're going to Best Buy to watch the game on Hi-Def plasma displays.

The ads are also subtly insulting. In one ad, Vanessa Williams, seated before her computer, does an audition (probably for a bodega or local video store ad) via high-speed video conference.

Now, for those of us unfamiliar with web video conferencing, it's ugly, the sound is terrible, and the camera is confined to a ridiculous position just above the forehead for maximum acne vision. Given the abysmal satus of Williams' career, I can accept that no studio would be willing to pay to fly her to an audition. Yet, I don't think that anyone would settle for an ugly video conference either.

If they'd made this funny, I'd give them a pass. But they didn't, so I won't.

To the tech savvy, insulting. To the unwashed masses, deceptive.

Radio Shack: Please get bent. Fire your ad agency, declare bankruptcy, close your stores and sell off all your assets. Only on clearance will I be able to afford your pack of three capacitors.