Suzuki Forenza

Believe it or not, I made Ad hominem specifically because I wanted to rant about this ad.

Suzuki is like that kid you knew in school who tried way too hard. He wasn't, you know, a bad guy or anything. Just kind of annoying, what with the trying too hard all the time.

Except I can tell Suzuki exactly how much it sucks and not feel at all bad about it.

To start, there's the ugly Suzuki logo. What is that thing? Suzuki uses a stylized letter S as a hood emblem. It sort of looks like the sort of banal grafitti cholos paint under bridges. This throwback from 1973 needs to go.

Next, let's talk about "Forenza." What the hell is that? Car names always strike me as a little off, but I really don't mind so long as they're more or less derived from familiar words. Or, even, are familiar words. Accord. Mystique. Eclipse. These are all acceptable car names.

But. Forenza.

It reminds me of the English documentation found in Asian manufacturers' products.

Sample:
"This product is under strict quality contril with perfect packing and quality when leving the factory."

Random syllabic groupings do not a car make.

Now to the spot. It starts out promisingly. There's the Jefferson's theme, feels good. But I don't know why the theme is there. These boring, plain, completely unremarkable people are driving around a stadium parking lot. And it's just boring. Everything is there. Classic pop culture music nod, a red car, and nothing is happening. I feel no empathy for the parking morons. At the last minute, they just pull into a VIP parking space.

Why, uhm, didn't they just go there in the first place? Why did Suzuki's Parking Losers waste thirty seconds of my time when they could have parked their ugly red car in a fantastic spot all along?

Some will argue that the Parking Losers didn't know. To this I reply, the writers knew! And rather than end my suffering in under a quarter minute, they dragged out their cliched excuse for advertisement for forty-five seconds. Over the course of a few weeks, that's something like fifteen minutes of my life I can never get back.

Garbage.